A Woman Alone Read online

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  Copyright © 2020 by Ioulia Zaitchik

  Excerpt from The Starter Wife copyright © 2019 by Ioulia Zaitchik

  Cover design by Lisa Amoroso

  Cover photos: window © Jill Ferry /Arcangel; woman © Stanislav Solntsev / Trevillion Images

  Cover copyright © 2020 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

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  Grand Central Publishing

  Hachette Book Group

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  First Edition: June 2020

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  Library of Congress Control Number: 2020932490

  ISBN: 978-1-5387-1576-5 (trade paperback), 978-1-5387-1575-8 (ebook)

  E3-20200409-DA-NF-ORI

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  EPILOGUE

  Acknowledgments

  Discover More

  An Excerpt from The Starter Wife CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  About the Author

  Also by Nina Laurin

  Praise for Nina Laurin

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  CHAPTER ONE

  As I make my way downstairs, I hear the coffee machine whir to life. Even before the smell of expensive, exotic beans reaches me halfway up the stairs, I know it’s making one long double espresso and one skim latte. The former for me, the latter for Scott.

  It’s only one of the many perks. When I went to take my shower, all I had to do was touch the sensor-laden handle. Detecting my signature, the water blasted from the showerhead at a precise pressure and temperature. No more cringing while the stream warms up, goose bumps racing up my arms and legs. Like the water, the floor is heated, exact to one-tenth of a degree.

  As soon as I left the bathroom and Scott went in, more sensors detected the change, and imperceptibly, the air shifted. Silent, invisible fans started up in all corners of the bathroom, drawing the humidity out and cooling the air to the perfect breezy temperature he prefers.

  Now I drop two sliced bagels into the toaster. One will come out barely warmed, and the other browned to a crisp and slathered with butter. It’s nice not having to think about it but it also anchors one in one’s habits, good or not-so-good. Lately, the tap in the bar has been pouring cocktails the second Scott comes through the front door at 6:30.

  I don’t have to worry about waking Taryn. At exactly 7:35, the curtains of her room upstairs will open and the tablet by her bed will flicker on, distracting her with morning cartoons while I prepare her oatmeal and come to get her.

  Right now, I’m deliberately stalling. I want this moment with Scott, nice and quiet, without oatmeal flying in all directions and boisterous requests for the Pop-Tarts Taryn knows she’s not going to get. She will be absorbed in her shows or interactive games or whatever the AI decides best fits her mood this morning. She won’t notice if I take fifteen minutes longer.

  I feel a brief flash of guilt that dissolves as soon as I pick up my coffee and breathe in the luxurious smell. Scott is coming down the stairs, his own tablet in hand. He gets his cup from the machine, deposits a quick kiss on my cheek as he passes me, and sits down at the counter.

  “Where’s Taryn?” he asks.

  I tell him she’s still upstairs.

  “But I want to say bye to her before I go to work.” He looks a tiny bit vexed. I’ve become more attuned to shifts in his moods since we moved here, and I fear that he might have become more aware of mine as well. “And won’t she be late for day care?”

  I feel my face color slightly. Yes, she will be a few minutes late. I can’t see the harm, although I know it’s motivated by pure selfishness.

  Scott misinterprets the blushing. “She’s refusing to go again?”

  “No,” I reassure him with a laugh. “If anything, she likes it there a bit too much. The other day, she asked me if she could stay in the overtime group. Can you believe it? That’s because all her friends do. I think she doesn’t like that they’re playing and…I don’t know, bonding? Without her there.”

  Scott shakes his head and chuckles in turn. “It’s good that she’s making friends though. Maybe you can leave her in the overtime group once or twice a week so she doesn’t feel left out.”

  “That’s not a bad idea.”

  Deep down, I’m a tiny bit horrified by the suggestion. I know exactly why Taryn is one of the few children at the local day care to get picked up on time. Other parents work long hours to pay for living in SmartBlock. Many work right there at IntelTech, which gives employees discounts, but not quite as nice as the deal we got, since we got to be part of the trial program. I get the luxury to be a housewife—if you can call it that, considering that machines and futuristic gadgets do everything for me.

  As if in response to my thoughts, the moment I set my empty coffee cup on the designated metal stripe on the counter, its surface opens up seamlessly and swallows up the cup, which will be washed and dried somewhere deep in the bowels of a concealed dishwasher. All designed to save time on busy mornings. For people who are hurrying to be somewhere. Who have something to do.

  “Doesn’t it make you feel kind of useless?” Scott jokes.

  My laugh comes too soon, before he even finishes the question that’s suppo
sed to be rhetorical, I’m sure. It’s sharp, tinny, and hollow.

  He finishes his coffee, stuffs the last of his undertoasted plain bagel into his mouth, and the dishes disappear in turn. When he gets up to leave, it’s exactly five minutes past eight. The house has memorized how long we take to do each and every insignificant task: eat a bagel, four minutes; check the news, five minutes thirty seconds; kiss your wife goodbye, three seconds; put on shoes, fifteen seconds. In the garage, I know his car has already begun to purr with its silent electric engine. Everything here is electric, sustainable, green.

  I tap the screen of my own tablet as soon as he’s out of sight. There’s an alert reminding me that Taryn has been up for twenty-two minutes now, and in three minutes and thirty seconds, she will be officially late for day care but I sweep it impatiently aside.

  I tap the icons and swipe until the security camera footage fills the tablet screen. On it, I watch the electric car pull out of the garage, into yet another bright, perfect day in bright, perfect Venture, IL, the place where dreams come true. That’s what the brochure said.

  You don’t know the half of it.

  THREE MONTHS EARLIER

  “So what do you do, Cecelia?”

  I hadn’t expected the question, seemingly innocuous. Although I probably should have. I blink.

  “I’m looking for work, actually,” I say. “I used to work freelance but then I went on maternity leave, and with a toddler at home—”

  “Understandable.” The woman who insisted we call her Clarisse gives a small nod and smiles. The smile is like a rictus because of the vast amount of plastic surgery I’m sure helped sculpt her face. I give up guessing how old she actually is. Fifty-five? Sixty? More? Clarisse seems like one of those women who find me pitiful. To give up a career and independence, all for a child, how pedestrian, tut-tut. Well, we can’t all have high-ranking positions in major corporations. Billions of dollars in contracts with Chicago, Minneapolis, Cleveland, Toronto, wasn’t that what she said? Everyone wants a piece of IntelTech and its products, SmartBlock and SmartHome, trademark registered, all rights reserved.

  “Well, I’m happy to say you’re exactly what we’re looking for. A young, modern family. Modern values. Focused above all on self-fulfillment and deriving satisfaction from your life, experiences over possessions. This is exactly what SmartHomes are about. Experiences.”

  It sounds to me like it’s the opposite. The cost of a SmartHome starts at nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine dollars, for the most basic two-bedroom model.

  “The concept behind the design is to reduce the amount of time you waste on trivial things every day,” Clarisse says. Her gaze travels from me to Scott and back. “Have you ever wondered how many seconds, minutes, hours you spend every day on boring, useless things? Like waiting in line, setting alarm clocks, waiting for the bus. Time that adds up. Hours, days, whole years. Wouldn’t you rather spend that time enjoying life?”

  She doesn’t wait for an answer. “Of course you would. So would anyone. That’s where SmartBlock comes in. You may not have noticed but you—along with most people in most major cities, actually—have already used our technologies. Improved bus and subway services, for instance. Reduced waiting times, not to mention reduced traffic and nonexistent emissions, all thanks to an automated system that evaluates the volume of passengers and responds in real time by increasing or reducing the number of available transport units. I could go on but I’m not here to bore you…”

  Did I look bored? I must have. I did zone out for a few seconds. Her voice has that quality, polite and pleasant but also bland.

  “And now we’re experimenting with entire neighborhoods that are custom-built and adjusted to the needs of the residents. The logical extension of that is the SmartHome technology, which you will be testing. If you’re interested, of course.”

  I chance a sideways glance at my husband, who is listening raptly, and I just know it. My heart sinks, and my stomach knots. He’s already decided. There won’t be any talking him out of it from this point on.

  But I’ll be damned if I’m not going to try.

  CHAPTER TWO

  The tablet beeps with another reminder. The episode of Taryn’s favorite interactive cartoon has ended. Would I like to play another? In other words, technology is reminding me, in its usual passive-aggressive way, what a terrible and neglectful parent I am. I tap No, and as I set the tablet down on the counter, I find myself wincing, already bracing myself for what I know is coming. And she doesn’t make me wait. I hear the high-pitched whine from upstairs with to-the-second precision. Right now my daughter is stabbing her chubby fingers into the screen, frustrated when it doesn’t yield to her demand. Until finally I hear the usual war cry of “Mommy!”

  “Coming,” I say, too softly for her to hear. I guess it’s meant for me, not her. As I start up the stairs, I throw a longing glance over my shoulder at the tablet, sitting peacefully on the kitchen counter where I left it, its screen dark. I could buy myself another twenty-two minutes of peace right now, play another episode. What happened to my best intentions? I won’t have a child raised by screens. I did not go through all the anguish and trouble, the crushing depression, empty hopes, to plunk my precious baby in front of an iPad so I can have an extra quarter of an hour of me time.

  Taryn is sitting in her crib, glaring at me, frustration written plain on her round face. “Another,” she says petulantly before I’m even in the door. “Now.”

  “Good morning, sweetheart,” I say on autopilot. She looks from me to the screen that’s holding her favorite characters captive, frozen in midmotion at my mercy.

  “Another,” she repeats. Changing her strategy in that endearingly unsubtle way only a three-year-old can manage, she gives me a beseeching smile. “Please, Mommy. Just one more?”

  “It’s time to eat breakfast,” I say, and reach to pick her up. She wiggles away. “And then it’s time to go to day care. Don’t you want to play with all your friends?”

  She responds with a pout. When I reach into the crib and pick her up, she lets out a high-pitched scream right into my ear.

  “Taryn,” I mutter, wondering once again if I’m talking to me or to her. “Calm down. You love day care, remember? And besides, you have to go.”

  “Why?” She wiggles and kicks and flails her arms. I barely flinch away as her open palm hits me in the eye.

  “Because,” I snap. Ignoring her protests, I carry her downstairs, all the while dodging furious kicks and tiny fists, wondering if we’re both going to go tumbling down the stairs. For someone so small, she’s surprisingly heavy, like that little chubby body has bones made of lead. Finally, I manage to install her in her high chair. The microwave beeps, alerting me that her oatmeal is ready. Just as I turn to get it, she stops screeching and lets out a long, angry huff.

  “You’re home,” she says, suddenly calm. “I stay home too.”

  I freeze, the bowl of oatmeal burning my hand. It’s not what she just said; it’s how she said it. With a meanness that’s almost shocking, coming from someone so small and adorable. She is cute as a button, and even at this early age, it already makes a difference. She’s a natural leader, her teacher at day care tells me. The other children just want to follow her in everything she does.

  And frankly, why can’t she stay at home? What do I tell her? The same thing I told Scott and the teachers? That it’s time she learns to socialize? That I need time to focus on housework and my own projects? That’s a crock of shit. The truth is that I just need a break from my own child. Every self-help book would say it’s perfectly normal, that I’m a modern woman who deserves time for myself, et cetera. But it never occurred to me that Taryn might ever pick up on that. To be honest, I didn’t think she was smart enough. Yet.

  “Eat your breakfast,” I say sharply, and set the plastic bowl in front of her with a clack. My fingertips are burning. Steam rises from the bowl in thick billows. The oatmeal is not the temperatu
re I preset the microwave to. It’s piping hot.

  With alarm, I reach out to take the bowl but she’s already grabbed her spoon and scooped an oversize glob of oatmeal. Taryn, I start to say. Too late. She raises it to her mouth, her gaze on my face, and I have time to see the hint of a malicious glimmer in her eyes as she stuffs the boiling-hot oatmeal into her mouth.

  The oatmeal goes flying all over the counter, her chin, and her shirt, followed by a wail I’m sure they can hear down the street. As I pick her up, making soothing sounds, my thoughts are in a jumble. Now she’s going to think I did it on purpose gives way to Now everyone is going to think I did it on purpose to They’re going to think I’m a bad mother. I’m not sure what bothers me most.

  Once Taryn has been soothed and cleaned up, she becomes placid and docile, as if she’d already spent all her angry energy. There’s still a reddish spot on her upper lip that I can’t look at without my heart clenching. But she lets me dress her, pack up her things, and take her to day care, all without a word of objection. I’m in a fog the whole time, and by the time I park my car in the garage and go into the house, I’m so exhausted it’s hard to believe I still have the whole day ahead of me. So many blissful hours of quiet. I should be happy but I’m just listless.

  “Run a bath,” I say to the tablet. With pleasure, Cecelia, chimes the alert. Upstairs, I can hear the hum of water. Relieved, I kick off my shoes and set off in search of my book. I read paperback books, which Scott doesn’t cease to make fun of. Once upon a time—before everything went wrong—I was a freelance graphic designer who settled into a career of making covers for ebooks. I made quite a good living off it too. I was good at it, and it was easy and reasonably lucrative—even considering Scott made more than enough money for the both of us. But I liked the work, I liked keeping busy. I liked making beautiful things. I was just branching out into branding and websites when the renovations of our old house began, and I abandoned the idea. And then, after the whole nightmare happened, the ebook covers fell by the wayside too. Now my own website, which used to have hundreds of hits a day, has been reduced to one static page with the brief message that says it all: coversbycece.com is undergoing reconstruction—check back here for more news.